Thursday, September 15, 2016

I am to blame

Almost 5 years ago I started this blog.  When I started it, as horrible as my divorce experience was, when the papers were signed, I was just glad it was over.  The unfairness and lack of attention in a broken and failed family court system further divided our family and took every dime we had.  The attorneys were redoing their yards and buying new houses, while our house moved towards foreclosure ultimately being short sold.  My ex and I moved into rentals and have been living paycheck to paycheck since, still we are not able to keep up.

The real question is.......who is to blame?

If only it cost more to get married and have kids than to get divorced, maybe our younger generations will be able to make better decisions.  We worry about drinking ages, voting ages, etc., but no one ever takes into account the irresponsibility of how some young families get started, and the resources that are needed to ensure that they are safe.  Our teachers do not get paid enough, jobs pay less than childcare, the cost of living is not realistic, and that does not even account for the cost of education.  

I am Generation X, the generation created from the hardworking, prosperous Baby Boomer generation who were raised with having the confidence that education lead to jobs, that doctors, not executives, controlled healthcare, and if you worked hard enough their financial goals would be met.

I am to blame...who else?

I am to blame for not making enough money when our economy was cut in half by financial irresponsibility of our banking system and government.  I am to blame for having to continually instill ethics and morals in my children, because they truly believe that Facebook and Snap Chat are the model for how interaction and social behavior takes place.  I am to blame for taking phones away from my children so they will be forced to go outside or even look out the window.

The result...resentment

While I have never put myself on a pedestal, I have done my best, but someone has to be blamed. Why not blame the dad?  The archaic idealism that the man provides monetary support and woman reproduces and manages the household has been non existent, at least during my lifetime.  The real problem is that the court system still utilizes these ideals in the court of law.  The judges are able to make decisions about what is best for a child based on accusations that are not required to be truthful and most of the time can not handle their own life or children.  Hiding behind the bureaucratic process of ethics committees, why are attorneys not required to speak under oath in a court of law.   I am more than just a paycheck.  I am father to three wonderful kids, who do not want to be with me.  

They have been been given a choice to decide whether or not they want their father in their life.  I never got that choice.  Things with my father were not always great, but part of growing up is dealing with conflict resolution.  We cannot teach our children to run away from problems.  We have to teach them how to deal with them.  Not getting the xbox, iphone, etc., can not be a reason for not being with your father.  

Unfortunately, resentment from my ex is the result of past and current.  This resentment has been passed to my children.  I now think twice before I can yell (I must be a stern talker), before I take their phones away (ruining their social life), etc, it seems they feel they are entitled because society has led them to believe they can do anything they want (until they have kids).

I deal with this everyday, I want to blame my ex for poisoning my children to the point where they don't want be with me, I want to blame this joke of a court system that only is a pyramid scheme for attorney and judges to make money for themselves, I want to blame society for not upholding the standards of morals and ethics that we grew up with, 


I am to blame and I blame myself

Brad Jacobson

Parental Alienation In New Jersey

What type of alienation are you dealing with?

Parental Alienation In New Jersey
By:  Mark Gruber, J.D., L.L.M.
        Natalie Moran, Esq.